The only thing that matters when it comes to Twin Flames

Delving into the myth and reality of twin flames reveals the deep-rooted reasons behind our quest for an "other half." These intense connections, celebrated in ancient lore and modern stories alike, highlight the universal longing for completion. Understanding twin flames not only uncovers the profound nature of these bonds but also emphasizes the importance of nurturing a whole and healthy self before seeking out true love.

Introduction

Remember, the notion of twin flames has roots in Ancient Greek mythology. Myths and fables use stories to simplify big life stuff that we all wonder about as humans. Twin flames are a universal story about love that has stood the test of time - so as a myth, they’re not meant to be taken literally. That said, their message carries enough truth to be meaningful today.

Representing real relationship styles, twin flames are a powerful lens in understanding why we believe in ‘the one’. Life with your twin flame is not always a bed of roses. Like everything in relationship theory, they begin and end with your relationship to you.

First things first, what is a twin flame?

A twin flame is a rarely found connection to someone where you experience an immediate and intense sense of togetherness. You hit it off in a way that’s fast and furious. You can finish each other’s sentences. See the world in the same way. Share the same value system. And want to almost crawl inside because you feel *that* close to them.

You’ll know it from movies if not personal experience (yet). This kind of ideal love match is found in every culture, and goes back so far we’ve inherited it as an ideal notion for relationships. We call partners our “second half” because we equate falling in love with that feeling of being whole.

Where did the idea of twin flames first start?

Twin flames go back 2,700 years to the world of Greek mythology that the philosopher Plato wrote about.

One day, as myth goes, the all-powerful god Zeus looked at humans - who had four arms, four legs, and a head with two faces - and started to freak out. So he split the human down the middle and made a male and female counterpart, and sowed the seeds for what we now call our “twin flame”*

What exactly are twin flames attracted to?

Apparently, we are not attracted to someone’s qualities specifically but more the person themself.

Because we find safety and comfort in what’s familiar, we’re drawn to characters that are so similar to ours we see them as our "other half”, or like Forrest Gump says, like peas to our carrots. This is where attachment theory comes in, too.

“We call partners our “second half” because we equate falling in love with that feeling of being whole again.”

Why we’re attracted to the same kind of people as us

In a word, familiarity. Think about it. How easy do you find connecting someone with qualities you admire, but that you don’t have yourself? Or maybe you do have, but not as a major part of your personality?

If you’re like most of us, you’ll find you’re initially drawn to them, and may even think, “wow, I wish I was more like that!” But, after a while, that person who is super neat and super tidy, will get on your nerves if you’re less than neat and tidy by nature.

Why do we do that?

At first, it makes no sense, right? It’s illogical. One person who’s tidy + another person who’s untidy = a pretty tidy home pretty much all the time. Sadly, this is rarely how things go.

It ends up as two people who find a compromise tricky. This is down to how we’re wired as people and neurobiology. Simply put, neurobiology asserts that when like meets like, a potent bond is formed.

Within the context of twin flames you might assume that if this is the case then when two people meet their match they’ll get a happy ever after - because they’re kind of the same person, right? This is only partly true and comes with an ick.

I’m OK, you’re OK, we’re OK

Some say that meeting your twin flame is one the most powerful connections you’ll ever have. I assume the people who say that have met theirs. It’s probably also why they say that one of the core characteristics in a twin flame dynamic is that it is as challenging as it is cathartic.

Mirror, mirror on the wall

When we meet someone who’s just like us it unconsciously affirms that the way we are and the way we live our life is right. Remember, we are not consciously thinking this - it’s a fuzzy comforting feeling that signals, “I’m OK, because you’re OK.”

This kind of affirming experience is called “psychological safety”, and ties to evolution. The only humans who survived belonged to a tribe, where mirroring led to connection, and connection grew into tribes, with their own ritual, beliefs, and way of life.

Psychological mirroring is so important to our survival it’s rarely something we think about - it’s instinctual. That’s why we often can’t put into words why we believe someone is our twin flame.

In another article, we describe the way you feel that your match mirrors your wildest passion, boldest dreams, and cutest idiosyncrasies. What we also explain is the ways in which they mirror your shadow side. Yep, that gift from the gods will bring out every single one of your insecurities and as they do, become a target for all the things you cannot stand about yourself because they have them too.

But your twin flame gets this and accepts this: they know better than anyone how to face the shadow side because they’re facing the same. And as your twin flame, they’re there to grow through them with you. Just be prepared for a wild ride.

Why you should stop looking for your “other half”

Healthy relationships nurture your growth and encourage you to do all you can to feel fully you, in your own right. It might sound like a cliche but it’s true - you’re already whole and have all you need inside you to blossom into your fullest self.

Final note

Holding out for someone to come along and fill in your gaps doesn’t create equality. Better than trying to find your “other half”, go find the peas to your carrots, like Forrest Gump did.

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*In case you’re wondering, a twin flame does not need to be a male and a female union - thankfully. The Greeks had openly gay and lesbian relationships.

When you Google Twin Flame, please be very cautious of the organization, Twin Flame Universe. They are a cult who promise they will help you search for your twin flame - if you pay them. Unless matchmaking is part of your culture, we do not endorse anyone offering matching services in return for a fee.

Disclaimer

The contents of this article are provided for informational purposes only. Anahana does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment and should not be used as a substitute for medical advice from a healthcare professional. Anahana encourages to consult a qualified healthcare professional for medical guidance. Anahana is not liable for any errors, omissions, or consequences that may occur from using the information provided.