The 5 phases of growth in twin flame relationships

Every relationship has its own rhythm, but twin flame connections are uniquely intense, filled with passion and challenges. Understanding the phases of a twin flame relationship can help you navigate the highs and lows, from the initial magnetic attraction to the inevitable tests and separations. 

Introduction

Every relationship has its ups and downs and follows a fairly similar path of development. However, the natural intensity of a twin flame relationship is different, and has highs and lows like few others. There’s wild passion in the honeymoon phase along with endless cheerleading for each other as you live your best lives together. 

However, uh-hum, as storms brew in paradise, you’ll definitely need time out, and probably break up more than once. That means knowing what’s ahead is key to staying afloat and as you rock your boat … and lucky for you, we’ve summarized exactly what lies ahead in the 5 phases of your twin flame love affair. 

1. Hope to hello 

Before you and your twin flame meet, you just sense that your other half is out there and with it comes a deep longing. Energy Healer Jakki Leonardi describes this as a persistent yearning that goes beyond appearance, passion, or even living your life with purpose. It is a longing to reconnect with your twin flame.

During this phase of hope, it’s time to do the inner work so you’re open and able to meet your twin flame. By meet, we mean going beyond a “hello” and really being ready to meet them. 

Get ready to fall head over heels and fall at lightning speed. Your meeting will be intense and the attraction like nothing you’ve felt before. Passion follows and sparks fly. 

2. Honeymoon and hurricane

Like most early stage happy relationships, you’ll enjoy a blissful honeymoon period. The future feels bright and love is light relationship. However, in the months that follow when the passion slowly fades, so challenges arise. 

From the sunny days of your honeymoon, problems drift in like clouds. Often due to the daily grind of life, with these clouds so shadows are cast from past relationship issues that haven’t been resolved. This is where the hurricane hits. 

Doom and gloom doesn’t have to follow. With a compassionate attitude and mindful love, the hurricane doesn’t have to damage everything in its path. As one of our favorite couple’s therapists Terrence Real says in his book, Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship: “There is nothing that harshness does that loving firmness doesn’t do better.” 

If you’ve invested in your relationship so far, then the hurricane can blow over, as you shelter from the storm. 

3. Test and reset 

Sooner or later, core wounds emerge, and differences arise in the relationship. These are called our shadow side, and come from the work of CJ Jung. In her beautiful book, Mindful Shadow Work: Exercises For Befriending Your Dark Side, Healing Trauma, and Finding Joy, Usui Reiki Master and shadow work guide, Aletheia Luna explains that “by doing shadow work, we learn that every single emotion and wound that we possess has a gift to share with us. Even the most obnoxious, ugly, or shameful parts of ourselves provide a path back to Oneness.”

In Kerry Lusignan’s article Is It Trauma Bonding or Love?, Lusignan explains that during this phase “emotions that were once easily accessible get swallowed whole by one singular focus: we must not lose the relationship”, and we “unknowingly abandon ourselves” because we’d rather that than be alone. 

Here, your relationship will be put to the test. Facing our shadow sides can be painful. But when we start with loving self-acceptance of our own shadows, then we can extend this grace to our partner. If you wobble and start to feel less worthy of love, remember these have been inherited and are attachment wounds, not a defect you personally carry. 

Like all wounds, attachment wounds heal, so don’t freak out! Take this as a sign either one, or both of you, need to reset. 

“In your close relationships, urgency is your enemy, and breath is your friend.” - Terrence Real

4. Let go and let live  

Twin flame separation is a core stage of all twin flame relationships. Whether that’s an emotional disconnect, a break-up, or a time-out to chill-out, one of you will eventually walk away and cut ties. 

This is where relational intelligence comes in, a term coined by the much loved and much respected couples therapist, Esther Perel. All relationships, twin flames included, need a healthy dose of give and take. Yes, the passionate chase is real with twin flames, and lasts, but there will be a time when one partner will pull away, and this causes separation. Or, where events beyond our control mean it’s time to let go.  

When we show relational intelligence we appreciate that conflict runs deep. We understand that the core of conflict goes back a long way, and doesn’t originate with you, or tie to what is actually going on with your partner. 

According to The Gottman Institute, almost 70% of relationship problems never get resolved. These are down to “attachment injuries” and unchangeable “problems based on personality differences between partners.”

So, don’t assume that an argument will be resolved when someone holds their hands up and admits they were in the wrong. Letting live means acknowledging and respecting that sometimes you need to let go and work on yourself, while other times, you’ll need to let live. 

5. Grow and come home   

In the growth stage, you and your twin flame begin to gently heal by doing some personal development work. This includes identifying your triggers, owning your insecurities, and accepting that both of you have behaviors to change: after all, it takes two to tango, as the saying goes.  

By refusing to play the blame games you give yourself time to come back together and focus on your future life with a renewed wholeness and loving acceptance. 

Patience and persistence is key here. As Terrence Real puts it perfectly in his book, “in your close relationships, urgency is your enemy, and breath is your friend.” 

Final note

All relationships go through phases where the end looks certain, and we worry about being with the wrong person. Making any decisions in haste, or after a big row, will probably not lead to kind or wise outcomes. So take a breath and use your time kindly throughout every phase of your relationship - twin flame or not.  

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If you Google Twin Flame, please be very cautious of the organization, Twin Flame Universe. They are a cult who promise they will help you search for your twin flame - if you pay them. Unless matchmaking is part of your culture, we do not endorse anyone offering matching services in return for a fee. 

Disclaimer

The contents of this article are provided for informational purposes only. Anahana does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment and should not be used as a substitute for medical advice from a healthcare professional. Anahana encourages to consult a qualified healthcare professional for medical guidance. Anahana is not liable for any errors, omissions, or consequences that may occur from using the information provided.